Some time ago I came across this quote: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
Immediately after seeing that post I felt empowered like “O YEAH!!!!!” I continued to reflect on this quote and my heart began to sink a bit. The realization I had those moments was painful. My mistakes mean I would be the main character in the painful stories of others. While others would be the main character in mine… Leaving each person left with empowerment and a story, but without personal accountability.
We all make mistakes. We all make decisions that have hurt others. Either intentionally or unintentionally. Finding empowerment without accountability hinders YOU from OWNING your story. Instead the power is given to those who hurt you.
Is the story you want to define your life one in which you are the main character surrounded by those you love or one in which you play the victim surrounded by loneliness? Please understand this does NOT negate those painful experiences. Those experiences shaped you into the beautiful human you are, but someone else does NOT define you!
The truth is you do OWN everything that happened to you! Writing negatively about other people’s behavior does not excuse your own mistakes, nor does it aid in your own personal growth. To truly OWN our stories we have to heal ourselves.
Ask yourself a few questions: PLEASE KEEP IN MIND if you experienced childhood trauma the answer to the second question is NO REGARDLESS of what your brain tells you.💙
“How do I respond when I’m hurt by the actions of others?”
Was I able to make a change to prevent the pain I felt from someone else actions?
Am I hurting other people because of the hurt that I have experienced?
and if so …
What do I need to do to stop hurting others because of my own pain and allow myself to heal?
I could write an entire novel regarding childhood trauma, abandonment, drug addiction, abuse, rape and neglect. I would be overwhelmed by the number of hours it would take to share each and every detail from as far back as I can remember. The ability to share each and every detail would do nothing to help others or myself grow.
It would however, allow me to create a barrier around my own actions. Holding on to each and every detail would allow me the platform to stand on and provide the outside world with excuses for my own painful actions resulting after those traumas. By living in that pain, I would remain frozen in the fire, safely forever, until the flames eventually consume me.
Many stories will be shared throughout this blog. My own personal struggles as well as the many realizations I had during those moments and many years after. I am hopeful to continue to share those stories with grace for not only myself but others as well.
It is said that trauma affects you to your core. Trauma has been shown to physically alter the brain. These physical changes alter our thoughts, unintentional, intentional reactions as well as each and every decisions we make. What trauma does not do is give the permission to stop growing or to live a life full of anger. If you’re reading this saying “I haven’t experienced trauma, this does not related to me!” I challenge you to stick with me for a moment.
My Dear Sweet Friend, if you have experienced ANY UNEXPECTED painful situation you HAVE experienced trauma. Your actions and responses to others can absolutely be altered due to any series of events. Just a quick reminder if you’re reading this…. YOU SURVIVED 2020 and so far, the COVID pandemic a completely unexpected painful situation.
Although, life may be appearing to return to normal for so many, I challenge to look inside your own heart and recognize by providing yourself time to heal and process the past year you’re allowing yourself to grow. Soak up the lessons and utilize those to become a beacon of light for the children in our communities who have had to go through so much throughout this pandemic. We can not ignore this. We must acknowledge how our worlds have changed.
Facing the fear and truly acknowledging the pain that has occurred will benefit our world more than you can imagine. When we know better, we do better. We HAVE collectively experienced trauma as a nation and throughout our entire world! We can only grow by admitting what has happened. I challenge you to go back and read the questions above.
As I stated earlier others may have hurt you throughout the past year. You may have lost friends, family, and jobs. Acknowledge the pain and GROW. Give yourself and those around you a little grace. Brene Brown describes grace as this “Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.”